i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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