I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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