whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
