so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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