i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat