he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!