um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.