Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.