i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
