Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
