I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
