sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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