Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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