i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
