He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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