Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize