I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
40s are totally the cure
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
