Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
