her vagine was all disorganized.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
