There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
