What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
