anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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