wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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