: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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