i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
