I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
