i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
