Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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