he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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