you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
