i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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