who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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