this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
