peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
