The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
