The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
