I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
