***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
