Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
