wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
