the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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