You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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