if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
