1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
