I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
