I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
