i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
