so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
