using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
