First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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