HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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