You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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