Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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