well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
