I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
