i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
