Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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