I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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