u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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