dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
