Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
