i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
