Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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