Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
