fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
