Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
