I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
