I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How naked do you want me to be?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
