How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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