wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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